Benched

Harley and I have many things in common: We both have chronic injuries. He has hip dysplasia (probably the result of poor genes and starvation while he was still growing). I have chemotherapy induced peripheral neuropathy (CIPN). Neither of these conditions can be cured. Both problems can be managed through medication and carefully structured activities.

Sometimes Harley and I forget our limitations, and do too much. I work too much; he plays too much. He ends up lame, and cries when his hip joint bothers him too much. I end up dealing with breakthrough pain, and having my doctor put me off work for 4 months (!!) on medical leave.

Now we are both moping around at home, together. (Please excuse the next bit - I don't want to sound like I'm whining...)

This existence in the "after" apparently holds a few surprises.

I must admit I was shocked at the doctor telling me I had to stay home and rest for the remainder of the school year. I was expecting a week off, maybe two, tops. But like a lot of other things, I was wrong.

And here I am at home with my pack, trying to figure out how to beat this chronic pain and reclaim my career.

It is a relief to no longer face each day and struggle to drum up the energy to push through the pain, and deal with the constant crises at work. But I feel cut adrift.

Two things caught me by surprise - the intensity of breakthrough pain, and the power of this condition to simply stop my everyday life.


How I frame this development is important. While I feel stuck, I'm trying (struggling) to see it as an opportunity to figure out CIPN and how to better live with it. Clearly my prior strategy of just ignoring it during the day and medicating the crap out of it at night didn't

cut it. The pain isn't going to just go away. I need to learn how to live with it, manage it, and carry on.

In the meantime, if anyone has any ideas about how to get a very stubborn mastiff to take his doggy meds, I'm open to suggestions.